just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Drunk walkin through police station. America
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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