i jhust puked up my retainher.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
