All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
