Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
