i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
