Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
