he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
