Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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