From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
