Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
