Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We are two peas in an std pod
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My vagina just clenched in fear
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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