the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.