he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
