So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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