I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night