u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
