so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
