Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
