I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
