my vag is so smooth its legendary
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
