Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
