You're a womanizer and a bitch.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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