so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Success! We fucked roommates!
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
