im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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