I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
