Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
