I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Can I color on your dick again?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
