I'm lost and stupid without you.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
