Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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