Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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