Midget sex pt 2 tonight
sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
I love you. Go after that dick