I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?