when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂