Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"

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  (407): So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur" http://tfl.nu/dru1
  Replies (12) Good night (1896) Bad night (937)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.

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  (586): If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete. http://tfl.nu/258x
  Replies (8) Good night (2141) Bad night (808)
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  (323): View more from California

  The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.

  (1-323): View more from California

  Did you put it in the freezer again?

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  (323): The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child. (1-323): Did you put it in the freezer again? http://tfl.nu/uvmz
  Replies (29) Good night (1050) Bad night (6381)
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  (585): View more from New York

  we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist

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  (585): we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist http://tfl.nu/e75m
  Replies (19) Good night (6947) Bad night (764)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.

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  (785): Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen. http://tfl.nu/ucck
  Replies (14) Good night (4674) Bad night (1494)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?

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  (201): My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud? http://tfl.nu/2vhi
  Replies (27) Good night (7896) Bad night (1186)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.

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  (610): you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee. http://tfl.nu/x3vo
  Replies (3) Good night (2414) Bad night (804)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.

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  (814): yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole. http://tfl.nu/s4gw
  Replies (17) Good night (1030) Bad night (4368)
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  (904): View more from Florida

  I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day

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  (904): I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day http://tfl.nu/k829
  Replies (6) Good night (2217) Bad night (707)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls

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  (401): Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls http://tfl.nu/qxtg
  Replies (9) Good night (476) Bad night (1266)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool

  (210): View more from Texas

  No

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  (512): Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool (210): No http://tfl.nu/m5ry
  Replies (4) Good night (2018) Bad night (606)
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  (816): View more from Missouri

  I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.

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  (816): I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me. http://tfl.nu/6mnq
  Replies (7) Good night (528) Bad night (988)
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  (914): View more from New York

  probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.

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  (914): probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate. http://tfl.nu/x46r
  Replies (10) Good night (473) Bad night (1342)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.

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  (860): I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today. http://tfl.nu/vp47
  Replies (7) Good night (320) Bad night (819)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit

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  (610): Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit http://tfl.nu/1m5h
  Replies (0) Good night (306) Bad night (537)

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