Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
