Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
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Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
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I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.