im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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