jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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