He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
