Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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