I heard we made out
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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