TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
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you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
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you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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