So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
