do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
