worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
