Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
