So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
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Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
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Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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