Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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