my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I woke up under a house in Key West
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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