Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
