how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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