Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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