tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
