I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
