If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Randomize
