Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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