i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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