Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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