My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Randomize
