I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
