so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
