There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
