Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
