your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
