you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
