his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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