honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
