the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
