i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize