I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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