I'm going to jail i love you
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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