Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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