these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
